I must receive thirty-plus phone calls a week from people wanting to enroll their 3, 6, 9, 12, 14-year-old into martial arts. I dismiss them with a pleasant, gentle explanation that, 1, we’re not taking new students, and, 2, we only teach adults. And not all adults, either. It isn’t the age, per se. It’s the maturity and mind-state. I’m sorry, but children — American children (though there are, of course, exceptions) are generally unprepared and unwilling to submit to the rigorous discipline — mental, emotional, physical, and philosophical — required to study martial arts with us. We’re very strict; we’re very demanding, and we’re very much a traditional school where “fun” isn’t part of the curriculum.
Oh, it’s fun, yes, if you have a high pain threshold and love ever increasing challenges, but it’s not entertaining (except for those occasional guffaws when you lose your footing because someone dripped sweat on the mat). For Americans, both adults and youth, who have been raised to expect their hedonistic desires fulfilled, who are perpetually conditioned to expect reward for mediocrity, and who have been pandered to their whole lives, our martial arts classes are not quite what they expected. We tend to direct callers and walkins alike to the McDojos, because, honestly, that’s what they want — instant black belt in exchange for no real effort and no true commitment and self-motivated development.
But what about the prospective student who does hold the duty, discipline, self-actualization, and focus that’s mandatory? Well, taking on a student means this for the teacher: Be ready to become their life counselor, even after they’ve left town. You’ll be the one they call, regardless of what time it is, what day it is, or if you’re down with pneumonia when they have any kind of life crisis, from marital difficulties to existential crises. It’s the way of things, and, believe me, after years and years, taking on new students and adding to the calls for help and advice you get takes its toll. As a teacher, you become very hesitant to add to your load, especially since, having invested the time and effort to get them to and then through the “gateway” that is earning the black belt, then going further, you are obligated to be there, always. It’s a life commitment on both the student’s and the teacher’s part. And it’s tough on both of them. It’s also extremely rewarding. My students…my husband’s students, it’s why both of us go to bed with gentle smiles on our faces. They are our delight, even if they do occasionally cause all manner of bleary-eyed mornings.
Watch. Pay attention to the details, not the “wows.” Enjoy. Work toward this level of excellence…but watch your knees on those drops. Key’s to this level of mastery, perfect practice, and you MUST own root and center. And, to get to this level, plan on training (meticulously) from youth to adulthood at least four hours if not eight or more hours a day, everyday, and then plan to continue to train for the rest of your life.
The students were sluggish this morning, and finding a pace and an exercise that would get mind, body, and spirit engaged proved keeping them off-guard and moving to a lesson of principle and concept. After the initial two hours of changing direction on them mid-stride, I finally started to see a real focus begin to happen.
Sometimes, to gain a foothold on surety, one has to keep the student off balance long enough and shift the balance quick enough that they finally find their “feet.”
By the end of session, I was seeing some real use of root, weighting, and attending, all critical to effective martial arts and self-defense.
They bowed in with a lack of definition in their minds and bodies, their spirits sluggish, but they ended the class and bowed out with energy, determination, and a sense of being.
I’m pleased…though it was work to get them there — three solid hours of work. Now for a nap…after I do a few chores.
So Friday…hubby broke his pedal. No, not the guitar pedal, not the car pedal, not the bicycle pedal. His foot — he broke his foot.
Now, after x rays, after doctors conferring, he’s literally “on ice and immobilized” until the swelling reduces enough that the orthopedist feels confident that it can be cast.
I’ve got a feeling that this isn’t going to be any of those nice take-it-off/put-it-on casts, either. I’m betting they do one of those fiberglass numbers — rigid and lots of fun in the shower. Hubs is a big man, and the joint got shattered into itty bitty pieces.
Needless to say, I’m not getting much work done. I’m not getting much of anything done. He needs lots of TLC and tending.
“Honey, can you get me a soda? …Can you get me a sandwich? Can you get my painkillers? Can you….”
So now I’m gonna be even further behind on my various need-tos/have-tos. Hubs comes first. Always. Don’t you wish every “other half” felt that way? Well, don’t marry until you and your choice are both over thirty, and then work at it. Remember, all that matters is the love, and also, when it comes to differences of perspective, is your point and your stance in the conflict worth more than your relationship? Probably not, so don’t fuss the small stuff, okay?
Good.
Several things, though: Don’t marry someone who prefers alcohol, drugs, or sports, never marry anyone who “gets physical,” and definitely do NOT marry anyone just because the sex is good. Really.
Taught a Kung Fu class today with Forrest. The students did well. We molded clay. We pointed to the moon, and they saw where the finger pointed.
They have the will; they have the fortitude. It’s the kindling of spirit and the binding of will and intent that remains elusive. Chi they can feel…sometimes. But they fail to be able to direct it or to allow it to move them…yet. It will happen. In time. Given time.
One step. Then another. And one more. Each one well placed. Soon the top of the mountain is seen. Later or sooner. Sooner I can hope, but place no vested interest either way. It is enough to walk.
Success. NY coordinates with Idiotho…er…I mean IdAho (don’t I?) and we get to speak easy. What a fun guy! You gotta read his column, too: Sage Advice (link will go to archive in a week or two, so click now or pay to read.)
So, we talk the same talk — laughter. This is good. Sure beats grumpy wannabe clients who I keep saying “No” to, but they keep hearing “Yes.” How does that work?
“But, Dawn…”
But Dawn nothing. Dawn doesn’t DO bait-and-switch websites…which is what they want, though they’re trying to convince me that that isn’t what they’re up to. (Don’t lie to me. I can tell. How? Noses grow.)
So, welcome Steve, who has his own Category (called Steve Speaks) on this blog now, see it under Family & Friends. Welcome, Steve.
One of my students called just now…while I’m waiting for a phone call to come in from long and far away, so I made the call very short. Seems her mom-in-law is throwing a baby shower for wife of brother-in-law who is growing a new human inside her womb. So student is “cordially invited” to appear, expensive gift in hand, of course. The slight is, don’t bring kids. You can leave them at “Unknown DayCare Down the Road.” (Really? Kids are all excited about having a new cousin and even made presents.) Oh, and, by the way, your own mom is not invited, which, of course, own mom already figured out when she didn’t get an invitation, but got to hear about the event. Hurt Mom. :(
What to do?
Send the present via USPS or UPS. Write a note, explaining things to sis-in-law – that mom-in-law/control freak/bitch (a woman who thinks nothing of walking into a house and appropriating whatever she desires without even so much a by your leave) has made it much too difficult to attend since both kids and Grandma have been hurt deeply by being spurned invitation.
Student didn’t want to go anyway, and was doing it for husband. Ah, no. Wrong reason.
Secret: Do what’s right for you, not what’s “seemly,” which, of course, only perpetuates more demands and expectations of doing “seemly.” And don’t just be silent here. Say something, honestly (and as politely as you can without sacrificing truth). Never mind PC. Never mind THEIR feelings. How about everybody else’s feelings? How about yours? Be honest…politely, of course, which means “Tell them the pertinent truth they need to hear.” Nothing worse than laying falseness over ugliness. Just call it ugly in a way that gets your point across without reaming them a new rectal orifice, then be on your way.
This morning, I sat out front on a patch of lawn talking to one of our (Hubs & my) students. He has a child starting Kindergarten next fall and today was Parent-Teacher Greet & Meet Day. He’s a good father and a good husband. He sat looking at books with his 3-year-old son while Mom, also one of our students, stood up and proceeded to start asking questions of teacher. Seems that these questions became a stage, ”Mom” taking over the entire session with questions, then redirects which were all glowing comments about their daughter and her abilities. I guess it became quite noticeable that other parents in the room were beginning to get a mite bit testy about this, and, of course, “Dad” did the “Dad” thing, which was slink smaller and smaller into the corner rather than tugging on pant leg or saying some cryptic cue to wife that maybe she should put a sock in it, park her butt back down in her chair, and let somebody else ask their questions.
Wife’s comment upon leaving session (paraphrased): “I just can’t believe that nobody else had any questions. Nobody said anything!”
Oka-aaay. Well, problem MIGHT be that nobody else could get a word in edgewise, not that they wouldn’t have liked to. And she didn’t do her daughter, who was in the room, any favors, either.
Brain chatter, a very bad problem which translates into mouth chatter when, seeking self-substantiation and lacking self-confidence, noise is incessant, used to drown fear. -_-
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