Turning My Head

autumn at the driveway entranceTurning my head from primarily working my graphic arts biz (see zentao.com if curious, though that’s not the half of it, not even) to writing as my focus makes me even more aware of how much work I was doing helping others with their projects while ignoring mine. It’s a real eye-opener. To suddenly focus on me is all but a completely new experience. In fact, it is a completely new experience. There’s a sense of utter joy, deeply felt to almost overwhelming, but there’s also this odd sense of guilt–a sense that I’m neglecting something that’s crucial. So I’m going to compromise just a little. I won’t say no to everyone who asks for assistance, just the most presumptive.

Meanwhile, writing is actually taking second place to preparing for winter’s onslaught. I’m almost done, but the contractor is still way behind reinforcing and reroofing Dad’s giant garage. And we’ve a whole other pallet of concrete to mix, probably tomorrow or Tuesday. I am NOT looking forward to that. At all.

Sheer Joy…And Not Much Drudgery

Public domain image, royalty free stock photo from www.public-domain-image.comWhen I quit doing web developments a few years back, there was sheer relief and a rewarding sense of freedom, of being able to breathe, again.

Then I closed all but four of my own websites, allowing only zentao.com, dlkeur.com, ejruek.com, and thedeepening.com to remain active, thedeepening.com changed from promoting other people’s books and novels to its original intent.  More relief, more freedom, more space to breathe and try to follow my own projects.

This year, I began to ease back on doing professional graphic art.  I retained a handful of good clients, but, mostly, I say “no” to the requests I get. First off, it’s a real pain to have to deal with people who, not having a real grasp on what they actually want, have set ideas on what they think they want. Then, when you produce that, after they approve it, they decide months down the road that it’s actually not what they want, and they get all sorts of upset when you tell them they’ll have to pay for another design to be conceived and completed.  It’s pure drudgery with not much reward for the soul, regardless of how well it adds to the bottom line.

Now, I’ve turned my focus to my true love in life–writing novels–and, while there’s still some drudgery involved–reading and editing that manuscript yet one more time; promoting what’s already published–there’s sheer joy and happiness for a story well-told and appreciated.

Truly, I’m almost as happy writing as I am riding.  Only being with Forrest trumps it all.

Sleight of Tongue, an essay

This was written in December, 1991, but I think it is just as appropriate, maybe more so, now…or, at least, maybe it shows my consummate discouragement of Americans and America even then.  What most disturbs me is that this was the direction twenty years ago, and, despite all my efforts to the contrary, this malaise has become the standard.

SleightOfTongue_1991_2011

Life Update

Life is a bit of a mess, but I’m managing…almost.  Worked on someone’s bookcover which I’ll post over on my art blog zentao.com later today or tomorrow when I get two breaths to “make it so,” doing a bid for a CD package, working on a leafy tee, practicing to play Zappa with Forrest in a guitar/flute duo, taking care of the home front, Mom, the animals, the plants, and trying to get up the gumption to finish a manuscript, something that’s been on hold since before Christmas.  Oh, and I have to prepare invoicing. In a word, I’m scramblingly busy.